My Sepia Mist

Growing up for tough for my sister and I, at times, our mother had manic depression and so life was not all cosy bedtime stories, hugs and kisses but we survived, albeit somewhat scarred by the ordeal. As a lasting legacy, my mother bequeathed to me her manic depression, now commonly known as bipolar and it’s something I’ve learnt to live with since my diagnosis several years ago and I’ve come to the understanding that it actually makes me who I am. Thankfully I am one of the lucky ones, in that I experience far more mania than I do depression, and yes, that is a godsend as it gives me my quirkiness and eccentricity that I adore about me.

This last week has been a toughie as I’ve been in a depression and, having made a very near on successful attempt on my own life back in 2012, it’s something that I’m acutely aware of, so on Tuesday when I realised I was in full-on crisis mode, I called my GP. Over the last few days, my mood has levelled out a bit and I’m putting all my coping mechanisms in place – the ones I’ve spent years in counselling learning about and slowly, the sepia mist is lifting! So, along with deciding to write a book this year, I’m also going to go back to trying some artwork; at school I manage art O level and really enjoyed the creativity of it all, so on Friday I invested in some colouring pencils – er, when did they get so flippin’ expensive to buy (-thank heavens for Amazon deals!), some fine-liners and a dinky sketchbook to get me going…my only issue now is that my OCD & anankastic side of me has decided that the pencil are far too pretty to use 😉

On, another note, my uni award ceremony is now only two weeks off and so tomorrow sees the start of yet another quick blitz diet, in the hope that I can shed about 10lbs before the big day! Actually, it’s not such a ‘big day’, just some get together with a few VIPs to hand over a certificate recognising my achieving in obtaining my degree, whilst batting with my mental health issues and past problems with alcoholism. However, it is so very important to me because it recognises the battles of mental health, which can so easily be overlooked, so I feel truly honoured to have been selected from the 1000’s of other OU students in the south of England to be the recipient of one of the Uni’s regional awards….so maybe it is big day afterall!

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